Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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