based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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