Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
