Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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