what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
