So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
