You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
