Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
