he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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