I wish my penis had an off switch
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
