It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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