Why does Corona taste like a burp?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
