I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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