how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
