I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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