when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
