May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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