Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
