I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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