Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
