my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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