I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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