I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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