tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's get the cat blown out
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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