i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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