haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
