I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just found a bag of teeth...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
