dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
