You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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