I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
