I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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