I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
