We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
