I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Someone signed my nipple.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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