shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i think my cat just said my name.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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