Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
