I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
