Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize