Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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