so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
