haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
