he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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