I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
