doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
