I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
