i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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