Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
