She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We don't watch enough power rangers
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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