He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
