I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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