I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
