Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
