alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize