before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
