he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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