i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
