i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
