he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
