remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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