Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
