It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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