just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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