If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize