smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
