Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
do nipples grow back?
Randomize