I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
