I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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