So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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