I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
