Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
