Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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