I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
