So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
