She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize