we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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