so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
