I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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