dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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