I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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