I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
