I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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