so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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