I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
